


I'm a mother, motherfucker!

by La_Mort_Rouge



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: After The Avengers (2012), Children, F/M, Humor, OFC is a mother, family life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:07:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Mort_Rouge/pseuds/La_Mort_Rouge
Summary: Loki is defeated. So is half of a New-York, actually, but trickster is defeated... em, more, so he's a looser in this situation. Thor would like to come back home with his brother as soon as possible, but the SHIELD needs him for a few more days to make some things clear. And after a while, two Asgardians are ready and happy (at least, one of them is happy) to return back home, but someone steals their ticket - the Tesseract. Along with blowing up the STARK-tower (without two first and last letters). It turns out that the whole SHIELD with all its files (and there are a hell of them) and all the data was hacked. There is not a single clue who did that, but the facts remain: SHIELD is fucked up, most of Tony's systems are out of order, Tesseract is missing and there are two Asgardian demigods with no proper place to... place them until all this shit is solved.At least, no place in USA.And when Clint gets this very thought, somewhere in Toronto, Canada, Esmeralda Ridge sneezes.
Relationships: Loki/Original Female Character
Kudos: 5





	I'm a mother, motherfucker!

**Author's Note:**

> Before we start, let's make a deal: I take time to write chapters and you take time to give me feedback. Your comments I value more than kudos and bookmarks. Deal? Then enjoy reading ;)
> 
> P.S. If you didn't enjoy reading, you can leave comment as well: tell me what you didn't like, it'd be great to receive critic.

The departure of Asgardians was planned to be at lunch time, so that everyone - Tony - managed to have enough time to wake up. It's been five days since the "main events", five very fruitful - for S.H.I.E.L.D - days for they, maybe, had to agree to give Tesseract to Thor, but they received some information from the God, and that was good. They also tried to get something from another God. They succeeded, though. Spiteful remarks, few insults and silence in the end certainly could be considered as "something". Fury, however, was not as upset as he could be. He was thankful that Loki did not try to escape: that would have caused much more troubles, taken that everyone had been busy enough. Barton, Selvig and other victims of "brainwashing-scepter" had had to go through a list of certain procedures which included many psychiatric tests; Steve had been rushing from rebuilding volunteering to long talks with Fury about existence of similar to Tesseract S.H.I.E.L.D's projects; Bruce had been doing his best not to become Hulk again; Thor, when not having conversations with S.H.I.E.L.D, had been watching Loki; and Natasha had been watching Thor watching Loki. The busiest of them, maybe, was Tony Stark: he's been arguing with Pepper about new interior of his... sorry, _their_ tower. Oh, and he was also busy searching for a replacement for some bottles of liquor that didn't survive the battle (or Tony _after_ the battle).

In short, it's been busy five days for everyone and many more busy days were awaiting. That is why everyone - except one failed conqueror - was happy to get together in the park during lunch in order to say "Goodbye" to their Asgardian friend and his not so friendly not-so-brother. The last one, by the way, looked even more discontent than usually and didn't say a word, though the muzzle was removed long ago. In the background of people smiling and talking he looked just like a goth-teenager that was made to come to family meeting. 

"So..." Tony addressed Natasha, "How long will it take for your agents to bring shiny cube here? As much as I enjoy your company, guys, I'm a very busy man, you know. I have some stuff to do."

"By this you mean having to make a choice between tile and parquet and look for a window repair company?"

"Not only. Thanks to this dude," he pointed towards Loki, "I also have to find some new furniture. And wiring. And big shiny S, T, R, K for my tower. Oh, and some really good liquor to wash down all the stress from arguments with Pepper about all the beforementioned," the man sighed, "You women are weird creatures. I almost died and all she thinks about is renovation work. Is it a phase or I just fell in love with a cruel woman?"

"Were she cruel, I doubt you would be in such a good form, Stark," said Clint. "And talking about Tesseract, our agents must have already set out. Does anybody know where's Cap?"

"Helping with repairs," Natasha answered. "Or unnerving Fury. He really took all this Tesseract-project to heart."

"Cannot blame him," Thor shrugged. "Your people messed up with things you could not comprehend."

"Oh yeah?" Stark raised a brow squinted his eyes to the Loki. "As for me, who really messed up with things they could not comprehend are your people. More precisely, this very person."

"I knew exactly what I was doing," replied Loki with displeasure. These were his first words spoken today.

"This point is not in your favor, Reindeer Games," he turned to the older demigod. "By the way, how many years of prison one gets in Asgard for trying to conquer another planet?"

"The Allfather will decide what punishment my brother deserves for his deeds."

"I take it there's no such thing as power sharing in Asgard, right? King, judge and executor all in one. That sucks. Will there even be a trial or your Alldaddy just gonna call up family meeting?"

"Are you doubting the fair judgement of Odin?" Thor definitely was not pleased.

"Um, let me see..." Stark put on pensive facial expression. "Yes, I am. Understand me right, Point Break, I have nothing against you and your family... well, most part of your family, but I don't really trust monarchy. You can blame history for that. King's judgement may be fair, but only as long as he does not judge his own family. Some parents won't believe their dear child is guilty even if there are thousands of people giving testimony. So forgive me if I don't like an idea of father judging his son's actions."

"He is not my father," Loki replied. 

"Look at it, two replies in less than twenty minutes! Someone's feeling talkative today, isn't he?"

Loki just rolled his eyes. He was never fond of humans, but this man irritated him to no end. 

"Anyway, my point remains," Tony crossed his arms. "Maybe, he can serve his sentence here on Earth for... I think fifty-sixty years will be Ok, and then you can take him back to your Assgard and have family reunification. What do you think?"

"Tony..." Bruce began.

"Hm... that's a good idea, actually," said Natasha thoughtfully.

"Well, personally I would sleep better if I know that he's as far as possible from our planet," Bruce replied. He couldn't wait to finally say "Bye-bye" and go... just go somewhere. Maybe, to India. "Plus, I doubt our jails would be able to hold him back."

"S.H.I.E.L.D's jails would," said Barton. Then he remembered the glass cage which was supposed to hold the God back and added: "Maybe."

"Well, at least send us a postcard with an image of him sitting in cuffs," Tony told Thor. "If you guys have such things there. And, maybe, give us your daddy's address: I will send him claim for damages to Manhattan. After we are finished with calculating, of course." 

"Alright, Stark, you are angry, I got it," said Thor. "But I assure you my brother will receive appropriate punishment, so can you ju..."

The further conversation was interrupted by beeping sound from Tony's watch. He pushed some tiny buttons and mechanical voice said: "Sir, S.H.I.E.L.D is approaching the tower. Should I connect you with a pilot?"

Everyone - even Loki - immediately looked up. A black plane was flying toward Stark-tower. 

"Yes, Jarvis, establish connection," he replied and turned to Natasha. "I thought the Tesseract would arrive by car. Airplanes pollute the atmosphere, you know? S.H.I.E.L.D should add ecological protection in it."

"They should have arrived by car," said Natasha. Her face became a bit wary. "Clint, call the team."

Barton nodded and put out a phone. He quickly dialed the number and bring the device to his ear. After a few seconds his facial expression became just as wary as his friend's.

"No connection," he replied. "I'll try Fury."

" _No connection with pilot, sir_ ," Jarvis said. " _Should I try again?_ "

Tony gave Barton and Romanov a questionable look. 

"No connection with Fury either," said Clint, putting phone back into the pocket.

"Jarvis, sound the alarm. Make sure everyone is out of the tower," Stark took two bracelets and put them on his hands. "And send me the suit."

" _Sir, the suit is not ready yet.._."

"Doesn't matter, bring it here, before..."

The explosion was big and loud. The top of Stark-tower turned into a set of flame and black smoke, but the only thing Tony was now able to think about was Pepper. She was having a meeting in the tower today... Through the noise he hardly heard his phone ringing. When he saw the name of a caller, he almost crashed down with relief.

" _What the fuck is going on, Tony?!_ "

That was the sweetest swearing he has ever heard in his life.

"Pep..." Tony sighed. Now, after he heard her voice, he felt much better. "You're Ok?"

" _I'm... yes_ ," she calmed down. " _That wasn't your doing, was it, Tony_?"

"You couldn't think I would blow up my own tower just to avoid arguing about its new interior, could you?" he paused. "Though, considering your first line that's exactly what you thought in the first place. Where are you?"

" _Almost entered the tower when it exploded. What happened?_ "

"Looks like S.H.I.E.L.D got fed up with me hacking them. Or they just lend their plain to one of my rivals. Whatever, I think you'd better go to villa and stay there."

" _Tony, I have a company to run._ "

"Nah-nah, don't wanna hear anything," he replied. "I'm calling Happy to take you home. You can work from there if you want, or take a chance to rest a bit. Seriously, you work so much... when was the last time you took a vacation?"

" _Tony..._ "

"Right, safety first, vacation second. Stay there and wait for Happy. I'll call you later, hon."

" _Tony..._ "

"Bye, Pep," he ended the call and when he turned to Natasha and Clint, his face was far less pleasant than his voice during the conversation. "I'm gonna ask you the same question Pepper asked me: what the fuck is going on? Why the hell your plain fired at my tower? Hasn't it suffered enough? And why the hell none of your office answers?"

"Keep calm," said Bruce, "Just keep calm."

"Don't calm me down!" 

"I wasn't talking to you."

Everyone took a step back. Everyone but Loki - he took three. He will never forget his meeting with the Hulk. The very thought of it made his back hurt. 

"So, em..." began Thor being a bit confused. "What's going on?"

"Looks like your trip to Asgard will have to wait a little more longer," said Natasha looking down on the screen of her phone. "Steve's just sent me a text. It seems Fury has something to tell us."

"And it'd better be an explanation," Tony gave his tower one more look. "And a restitution."

* * *

Nick Fury was waiting for them in Steve's apartment. It was, perhaps, the only place in whole New-York without Wi-Fi. There were not much devices at all, just radio-station, TV, oven, fridge, electrical cattle and microwave. Lamps don't count. When their "gang" arrived, Thor left Loki under Captain's watch, though he did not understand what his brother could possibly do with the information. Loki seemed not to care about the situation at all. He had some theories about what happened, and if the most likely of them turns out to be true, then there is little what band of so-called heroes can do. Therefore, he saw no sense in doing anything but waiting and watching.

In kitchen, meanwhile, Tony's mood spoiled further and further with every Fury's word. In the end of his speech, Stark's eyebrows almost came out on the middle of his forehead.

"Let me clarify this once more, just to make sure I understood you right," he started with perfect "calm before the storm" voice. "Someone hacked the whole S.H.I.E.L.D's network, which includes all your mobile connection, all your data in all your electronic devices, and has access to all your current projects and videos, audios, pictures and other stuff like this. And your organization, as far as I remember, spies on the whole United States. And by "whole" I literally mean every fuckin' place with every fuckin' person!"

"Language!"

"Oh, shut up, Cap!" said Stark and turned back to Fury. "Where were we? Oh, yes. S.H.I.E.L.D, an organization with maybe the biggest amount of data, and espionage system, and the best specialists among people, and a hell of an arsenal, including those little flying planes that blew up my tower - as if it hadn't had enough - in short, all that stuff is now fully controlled by someone we don't even know about! Did I miss anything?"

"The Tesseract".

"Oh, thanks, Point Break. This someone also stole thing that can easily open our world to another army of aliens. I believe there are enough homicidal maniacs in the universe, apart from the one in the next room. You fucked up."

"Loki is not..." Thor started, but then met Natasha's look. And Clint's. And Fury's. "Well, maybe a little bit."

"If killing at least eighty people and destroying great part of a city can be called "a little bit"."

"Are you finished, Stark?" asked Fury in a calm voice. 

"Actually, I just have started. But considering the fact that I have a call to make - the sooner the better, by the way - I'll let you continue, so we can all get back to our duties."

"Thank you," Nick sighed. "As much as I don't like it, Stark is right. S.H.I.E.L.D fucked up. Greatly. We have no idea how it happened, but we are working on it. Though, we could really use your help, Stark. Before today, you were the best in hacking us."

"That's true," the corners of his lips rose a little bit. "But firstly, I'll need time to fix my own systems. Maybe, this time I'll try to make fireproof electronics and wirings."

"We'll discuss details later," said Fury and looked at Natasha and Clint. "Now, what we cannot delay is Loki. Taken that the way to Asgard is impossible without the Tesseract, we have to put him in some place with high security where he would be watched."

"I will watch my brother," Thor replied. 

"I have no doubt about that, but the problem is..."

"Where," Natasha finished for Nick. "Since all our cells and shelters with security systems are connected within one network and now this network is under foreign control, there is no place in entire USA where we can place you two."

"And what about Stark's place?" asked Thor. "Not the tower, the other house."

"Hell no!" said Tony. "I like you guys, I really do, but there's someone I like much more, and I'm not talking about myself now. I know Pepper and she will never agree to this. Me too, by the way. I'm an atheist and antimonarchist, and you two are... you know."

"Every S.H.I.E.L.D agent's house is also excluded from he options. We all have the same security system," muttered Romanov. "Steve's place has no security at all."

"And I don't even have my own place," added Banner. "Although even if I did, I would not agree. My nerves are too weak for such things."

The whole apartment plunged into silence. Everyone was thinking. Some thought about possible ways out, others - about how shitty all this situation was.

"I think I have an option," Clint broke the silence. Noticing the look Natasha gave him, he hastened to add: "And before you speak, no, I'm not talking about my home. There is no security system there either. But we both know someone who has, and damn strong one. Moreover, it's not even in USA."

"Are you mad?" asked Romanov. 

"Do you have a better choice? Because I don't. She has a house secured maybe better than S.H.I.E.L.D, this house is in Canada and her file was deleted from our data five years ago, so whoever hacked us he has nothing on her. Plus, she's used to dealing with criminals."

"And she's a mother!" 

"Exactly! Her nervous system is stronger than all ours combined."

"I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation," Stark began, "but could one of you enlighten the rest of us what you two are talking about?"

"About maybe the only appropriate place to place our Asgardian guests." 

* * *

Esme sneezed.

"Bless you!" said two boys not taking their eyes off the television. When you are a preteen, there is no force in the whole universe that will take you away from your PlayStation.

"Thanks, sweethearts," the woman answered and returned to her task: washing the floor. "Feet up."

Boys obeyed. Eyes still on TV.

"Where's Meg?" asked Esme swiping the mop under the coffee table.

"She left," answered the older boy. It was Adam and he was eleven.

"I know she left, but where?"

"Fuck know... Ouch! Mom!" Adam rub the back of his head where his mother just hit him.

"No swearing words, Adam," said Esme glaring at him with discontent. "If I hear one more, I'll forbid you PlayStation for a week. You understood?"

"Yes, mom... Hey!"

"Yesss!" exclaimed younger boy. His name was Ryan, he was nine years old. "I won! Serves you right, looser!"

"That's not fair!" Adam was indignant. "I got distracted because of mom. Your win doesn't count."

"Yes, it does, looser."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, no, no!"

"Yes, yes, yes!"

"Hundred times no!"

"Thousand times yes!"

"Then million times no!"

"Billion times yes!"

"Trillion times no!"

"Endless times yes!"

"Endless and one times no!"

"You can't say "endless and one"!" said Ryan. "There is no bigger number than endless, so I won!"

"No, endless and one is bigger than just endless because it's endless plus one!"

"You cannot put one more in endless because endless is... it's endless, it already includes all possible numbers, so there is nothing to add! I won!"

"No, you didn't, because game wasn't fair!" said Adam.

"Yes-yes, looser," a younger one stuck out his tongue.

"You little bas..."

"Mom! Adam is using bad words!"

"No, he's lying! And he's calling me a looser, though he won unfairly!"

"See? You've just admitted I won!" Ryan smiled. "Looser!"

"Stop it," said Adam.

"Looser, looser, looser, looser, looser!"

"Mom! Tell him to stop!"

"Ryan, stop teasing your brother!" shouted Esme from another room.

"I'm not teasing, I'm just telling the truth!" he replied. "I won the game, so he is looser!"

"The game was unfair!"

"No, it wasn't!"

"Mom distracted me."

"Then you should've ignored her."

"You heard that, mom?!" now it Adam who smiled. "He told me to ignore you!"

"No, mom, he's twisting my words!"

"And which word exactly did I twist? Ignore?"

"All of them!" answered Ryan. "You just don't know how to loose with dignity."

"There is no dignity in loosing."

"Then you don't have dignity because you just lost."

"That's not what I... You're twisting my words!"

"And which word exactly did I twist?" the boy asked in mocking tone. "Dignity? Take that, asshole!"

Unfortunately, the awareness of the fact it was not the best choice of vocabular came to Ryan _after_ the a-word had been spoken. He was sure his mom heard it loud and clear taken that she was coughing, though she wasn't ill at all. 

"No PlayStation for a week, young man," said Esme after her cough had been gone. She put the mop aside and headed back to the living room. _I wonder, where did they get these words: at school or they heard some of my telephone talks?_

"But mom!" the boy exclaimed with big pleading blue eyes.

"Don't "mom" me, Ryan. I've warned you about swearing."

"No, you've warned Adam!"

"It concerned both of us, didn't you know that?" Adam was smiling smugly. 

"Mommy, please, I'm sorry. I won't swear again, I promise."

"I hope it's true," Ryan nodded enthusiastically. "But the punishment still remains."

"But mo-o-om!" he whined. "Please, please, please!"

Esme was ready to howl. She was tired: she woke up at seven a.m., got the dog for a walk, fed the dog, the cat and the turtle, then fed her children and herself - also got an argument with her daughter before she left - then washed dishes, did laundry, vacuumed the house (there are six bedrooms in there) and now just finished mopping it, listening to her sons' argument that started with... oh, with her asking if one of them knows where Meg went to. And that's just lunch-time. On Saturday. A weekend. At least, some people call it so.

_Oh, for fuck's sake_... she looked in her youngest child's eyes and sighed, "Ok, considering that you apologized, it's gonna be not a week, but five days."

"But mom!"

"The verdict is final and not subject to appeal," Esme said strictly. "Now, please, sit here for a few more minutes till the floor is dry. I'm going to the shop. Any wishes?"

"Cookies!"

"Nutella!"

"Ketchup."

"And cereals." 

"And chips. With cheese flavor."

"I'm not buying you this junk food."

"Then I want Skittles."

"Me too. And Twix."

"And ice-cream."

"We need toast bread."

"Pop-corn. Salty one."

"And don't forget cocoa powder."

"And I want chocolate with hazelnuts."

"Me too. And pineapple juice."

_Yeah, the bag is gonna be heavy... Oh, who the fuck am I trying to deceit? There will be more than one bag,_ thought Esme doomily, "Ok, I got it. Does anybody know what Meg needs?" the boys shook their heads. "Okay, then. I'll be back as soon as I can. Please, don't make a mess."

"Yes, mom."

"And if someone knocks at the door and says: "Let me in, I'm your mother's friend" what do we say?"

"Nice try, looser, our mom doesn't have friends," said Ryan. 

"Well, not exactly where I was going, but alright," Esme took off an apron and put on a jacket over her T-shirt. She checked her bag for keys and purse and put on sneakers. "Ok, sweethearts, I'll be back soon. I'll lock the door. Bye-bye!"

"Bye, mom!"

"Don't forget about ice-cream!"

"Sure!" said Esme and closed the door, locking it. Then she sighed with relief and whispered to herself: "Finally..."

Since the moment she woke up that was the first she was alone. And gods, it felt so good... The little walk from house to the garage, alone, with no "Mom!", these sacred three minutes felt like a cruise. And now she's gonna drive to the grocery store. Alone. 

_These moments are worth living for_ , thought Esmeralda getting into the car. Maybe, if she's lucky enough, she will get into the car accident. Not big, without any explosions. A tiny accident, really, but with injuries. And she will be admitted to the hospital for a whole week! Or even two! And she will sleep, and eat, and watch Netflix, and sleep, and... has she already mentioned sleep? Gods, what a bliss... And maybe, there will be a hot doctor, or a nurse, and she will also have a good...

"Achoo!" Esme sneezed again. The beautiful dream was gone. She was still in a car, she still needed to buy food in order to cook diner, because she still had three children, a dog, a cat and a turtle. Oh, and a job, apart from being a mother. That's not exactly how she imagined herself to be in thirty-four. "Ok, enough. I'll have a little time to cry in the bathroom while taking the shower this evening, but now I should hurry up. Long lines and heavy bags are waiting for me."

* * *

Stark's private airplane landed in Toronto Pearson International Airport at five p.m. Now its five passengers were sitting in a car with tinted windows. Clint and Tony were at front seats and Natasha, Loki and Thor - both in normal, that is human clothes - at the back. Two demigods were looking in the windows and Romanov sitting between them was looking from left to the right and back, watching both of them. 

"So," Stark decided he's had enough of silence. "We're going to pay a visit to your old friend, right?"

"She's not old, but right, we are," answered Clint.

"Not old?"

"Thirty-four."

"Indeed, pretty young... Speaking of, is she pretty?"

"Depends on what you consider as pretty. I find her attractive."

"Ok, I trust your taste... Is she single?"

"She was when I saw her last time."

"Hm..." he drawled. "So, we're heading to the young attractive woman who is probably single..."

"And who is also six-time world champion in judo and three-time world champion in kickboxing," Barton added. "And a former police officer as well. So you'd better think twice before making plans, Stark."

"Why does your "making plans" sound so ambiguously? As if all I can think about is how to get laid with an attractive woman." 

"And isn't it so?"

"Well, to be honest, it used to be truth. Now I still think about getting laid, but with inly a woman," Tony sighed. "And this only woman is now over seven hundred kilometers away from me... Anyway, I must admit your circle of friends is rather... interesting." 

"You have no idea, Stark," Clint replied and turned the car.

They entered a residential area. It was so... calm there. No ruins, no panic, no rush, no fear. So unlike New-York now. Tony felt a bit of jealousy and... proud. That was what the Avengers were fighting for: for peace. Yes, their own city suffered a lot during the fight, but the rest of the world remained like this: peaceful and untouched. Their team had done a great job. And Tony was proud he was a part of it. Pleasant feeling.

They parked near the two-storey house. To be honest, Stark was expecting something... something more like unapproachable dwelling somewhere on the outskirts of the city with a high fence and maybe two dobermans. Not a nice-looking house with green lawn, in quiet area and no fence at all. That didn't look like a highly secured place at all.

"Here we are," said Barton, turning off the engine. 

"Are you sure that's the right address?" asked Tony. "This place doesn't even have a fence."

"Neither does your place, but you still sleep well there," he replied. "Everybody out."

"Finally," muttered Loki getting out the car. Sitting in the plane, sitting in the car... He's had enough of sitting.

They headed towards the porch. No sights of any security system so far. Loki automatically began to plan the escape (that was becoming his habit), although he had no particular idea of where to go. Moreover, if one of his theories is right, then there is no difference at all. They all are doomed. Well, half of them for sure.

Clint rang the doorbell. There was a stomp of feet and then they heard a kid's voice.

"Who's there?"

"Ryan, it's Clint."

"I don't know you."

"I'm your mother's friend. Please, open the door."

"Nice try, looser, our mom doesn't have friends."

Tony couldn't help a chuckle. So far, that was the funniest thing happened.

"He probably doesn't remember you," said Natasha. "Ryan? Are your siblings at home?"

"Adam is."

"Could you please call him?"

"Why?"

"Tell him his friend Nat came to visit."

"Ok."

There was a stomp of feet again, only this time in opposite direction. The Avengers and the failed king-to-be stood patiently. After a minute or so, there was a click of a lock and the door opened. And the moment it happened, Natasha, who stood the closest, was almost knocked down by the wagging tail of a three year-old white (partly yellow) Labrador who seemed to be extremely happy to see literally everyone: S.H.I.E.L.D's agents, genius-multibillionaire-playboy-philanthropist Iron Man, good demigod and a not so food one too.

"Hey! Hey, good boy - or a girl - good," Natasha tried to push the dog away, but couldn't. The Labrador was determined to lick every part of a guest it could reach. She looked at Clint. "I could use some help now... Hey! Let go!"

"Don't tell me this is the security system you were talking about," Stark was laughing. Clint tried to push the dog back into the house as well, but his efforts were nothing compared to the desire of the Labrador to greet new guests. "I must confess, it's a good one. Doesn't need electricity, cannot be hacked... only if with a bone or a steak. Hey, guys, maybe you can help them out?"

"Yeah," said the older boy and disappeared somewhere on the house. He came back quickly with a slice of cheese. "Hey, food!"

The dog immediately lost all the interest toward newcomers and turned its attention to the preteen, hypnotizing cheese with big brown eyes.

"Come in," said Adam and gave food to the dog. It was gone in less than a second and now the dog was staring again, waiting for another snack. Boy shown his bare hands. "That was all. See? No more."

"So," Clint stood before the Ryan, "you didn't recognize me?"

"No."

"Like, at all?"

"No," the boy shook his head.

"And me?" asked Natasha, smiling. "Don't you remember your auntie Nat?"

"No. You're mom's sister?"

"No, I'm your mom's friend. Last time we met you were like... four or five years old," she smiled wider. "You grew up. A bit."

"If you're not mom's sister, why are you "auntie"?" Ryan asked.

"That's just a manner of speaking," said his brother. "How could you not know about such things?"

"Shut up, looser."

"You shut up! You won unfairly."

"But won."

"But unfairly, so it doesn't count."

"It does, and it makes you a looser," Ryan put out his tongue. 

"Well, at least I can still play PlayStation unlike _someone_ ," Adam replied smugly.

"There is a PlayStation here?" Tony perked up and looked around. After a while his eyes stopped at the aim. "Here it is. Who wants to play?"

"I want!" answered Adam with a smug smile still on his face and joined Stark on the sofa. "Which game? We have some racing, GTA, Call of Duty, Counter Strike, some sports and many others."

"And what about your brother?" he turned to the younger kid. "Hey, wanna join us?"

"He can't. Mom forbade him PlayStation for a week."

"Five days," replied Ryan gloomy. It wasn't the ban itself that provoked him, but the fact that his brother was allowed to play while he - not. No one likes to suffer alone, especially siblings.

"A what have you done to deserve such a punishment?"

"I called my brother an asshole," he said with not a single hint of remorse. In fact, the boy looked if not proud, then really satisfied with himself. 

There was a characteristic cough from the agents and a smile from Loki. Well, in this case, the smile meant that the corners of his lips raised so slightly, it was almost impossible to notice.

"That's a... bad word," said Clint after a while.

"But not the worst," added Stark. "Come here... em, Ryan, yes?... and let's play something."

"But mom..."

"Did she say when exactly the punishment begins?"

The boy shook his head.

"So, she didn't say that you can't play for five days from today?"

"No."

"Then I can see no reason why you cannot play with us," Tony smiled. "Come on, I haven't played PlayStation like... forever."

"That's unfair!" said Adam. All his smugness was gone.

"Ha!" Ryan was smiling like a cat that got the cream. "Take that, asshole!"

"Ryan!" exclaimed Barton. His poor, but existing parenting instincts just kicked in.

"Shut the fuck up, little bastard!"

"Adam!"

"You shut the fuck up, looser!"

"Stark, what have you done?" Natasha got into the conversation. 

"I repeat for the thousandth time, your win doesn't fuckin' count!"

"Me?!" Tony got indignant. "I didn't do anything!"

"Yes, it fuckin' does!"

"Well, maybe you fu..." Romanov managed to stop herself, " then maybe you should do something?!" 

"Okay-okay," Stark said and addressed the brothers: "Hey, kids..."

"Fuck off!" they replied in chorus.

"Good thing Rogers didn't come with us," Tony muttered under his breath watching children swearing worse than some adults. "His throat would be sore from: "Language!" 

"Boys, if you don't stop, I..." Clint tried to come up with interrogating threat. What do children fear the most? What did he fear the most? "I'll tell your mom!"

It worked immediately. Adam and Ryan stopped insults in less than a second and now were looking at Barton with big round eyes. And then they began synchronously: "No!", "Please, don't tell mom!", "We won't cuss out again!" and so on. It's weird, how during childhood the person we love the most and the person we fear the most is one and same person - our mother. And fathers... well, kids need father just to ask him whether he knows where mom is. At least, that's exactly what Clint was usually asked when he was at home. He may be one of the SHIELD's best agents, but he will never be the same authority as Laura for children.

"Speaking of," Natasha began, "where's she?"

"And where's Meg?" added Barton.

"Mom went to the store," answered Adam. "And Meg is strolling somewhere, maybe. She never says where she goes."

"And if you ask her, she gets angry, says: "Not your business!" and slams the door," added Ryan

"And she is now...."

"Fifteen."

"Hm..." Natasha drawled. "That explains a lot."

"And who are you?" asked Ryan.

"Told you, kid, we're your mom's friends," said Clint.

"All of you?" joined the conversation Adam. "I remember you and auntie Nat, but these three..."

There was a silence for a while. Clint and Natasha pondered. Tony suddenly found the joystick of console very interesting and it seemed he couldn't take his eyes off of it. Thor's been looking like a lost child since their arrival and Loki looked like he didn't give a shit about anything at all. Though... why _looked_? 

"They are friends of ours," Romanov finally came up with an answer. "Well, more or less."

Boys looked at each other. Then at stranger-trio. Then on their "uncle&auntie". Then again at each other and shrugged.

"Ok then," they said in chorus. Then their attention turned to their favorite thing in entire house - the console. "Which game will it be?"

* * *

Esme left her police career five years ago, but the inner-cop inside her never left and still didn't feel like doing it. That's why the first thought that came to her mind when she noticed unfamiliar car near her house was to issue a penalty for incorrect parking. Esme wasn't expecting any guests. Moreover, she's never seen this car before. And after more than a decade of living here, she knew every car and every person.

The woman parked her car near garage and looked at her house. Everything seemed just fine. And she could see the light turned on in the living room window. Maybe, someone just dropped his car here, because it was a shadowed place. Anyway, Esme had more important stuff to do - she had three kids and three animals to feed. But first thing first, she had four heavy bags to carry to the kitchen.

"Satan, give me strength," she murmured to herself lifting them and trying to close the car trunk while holding bags in both hands. She would pray to any god that happened to be nearby, but that would never work, so - Satan now. Though, before becoming a parent, she used to be an avid atheist.

Not only did she manage to carry her burden to the porch, but she also managed to insert the key into the keyhole and unlock the door. The dog was the first one to greet her.

"Sweethearts, I'm home!" she shouted from the doorway and tried to keep her balance while kicking off her sneakers and at the same time fighting off the dog. She heard "Hi, mom!" shouted back from the living room. "Hey, good boy, good! I'm glad to see you too, babe. Now, let mommy go to the kitchen, please. These bags are pretty heavy..."

"Need a hand?" came a male voice. Rather familiar one...

"Clint?" Esme looked at him with a pure shock in big round eyes. "How..."

"Hello, Esme," one more familiar voice. "Haven't seen you for a while."

"Nat?" while Esmeralda was busy being shocked, Barton took her bags and headed to the kitchen. "What the... Why on... What are you doing here?"

"Were waiting for you."

"Well, that's fu..." she remembered her children were actually at home now, "that's pretty obvious. But you wouldn't make all the way here just to see me, would you?"

"We'll explain everything later," said Natasha, leading her friend to the living room.

"You'd better," when Esme entered the living room, she saw that "we" was made of not only Clint and Nat, but three more men. One of whom, by the way, was now playing PlayStation with her sons. With both her sons. "Mama regime" kicked in. "Ryan," she said in calm, even tone that made everyone turn their heads to her, "I believe I forbade you PlayStation for five days, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did," the boy replied.

"And?" Esme raised thin ginger eyebrow.

"You didn't mention from what moment I am forbidden to play."

"From now," she answered. "So, turn it off."

"But mo-o-m!" he whined. "Can we postpone the punishment until Monday?"

"No."

"But it's weekend. What am I to do all Sunday?"

"Hm..." Esme took though. "How about your homework?"

"Mom, please!"

"I said no," she crossed her arms. "And don't look at me like that, young man, that's not gonna work. Now, turn off the PlayStation."

Ryan sighed, but obeyed. Adam looked at his unhappy brother and smirked.

"You too, Adam."

"Hey!" he exclaimed resentfully. "Why me as well? I'm not forbidden."

"No, you're not," Esme answered. "But you've already spent too much time in front of the screen. This will do your eyes no good."

"But mom!"

"Don't "mom" me. You'd better go up to your room and do something useful. Reading, for example."

"Reading is boring," said Ryan.

"Then do your homework for Monday."

"Homework is boring too," said Adam.

"You are big boys, you can find a way to entertain yourself for an hour or so till the dinner is ready," Esme nodded towards the stairs. "Go ahead."

"Okay, mom," they sighed simultaneously, getting up from the sofa, and went upstairs.

"And no computer as well!" she told them after.

"Yes, mom!"

Esme waited until she heard the sound of the closing door. And then, with her arms still crossed, she turned to face five adults in her living room.

"Well, now I think it's high time I get an explanation of what two best SHIELD's agents, a world-famous multibillionaire and two tall men I've never ever seen or heard of are all doing in my house."


End file.
